


things you said when you were scared

by youcanbeking



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Fear, M/M, Prompt Fic, Realization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-03-21 19:23:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3702957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youcanbeking/pseuds/youcanbeking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Jean is fine, Eren. I’m sure he is,” Armin sounds far away and Eren almost snaps at him, but he can’t find a voice to do so. Instead he swallows thickly and takes a shaky breath, covering his mouth with a trembling hand to prevent a sob from escaping.</p>
            </blockquote>





	things you said when you were scared

Eren has always been a pinch more passionate than, well, anyone around him. A kind-hearted intellectual like Armin might call him an open book, and that was being generous. Levi, someone nobody would describe as polite, might instead roll his eyes and not hold back as he gives his two cents about how emotional the teenager could be. 

Not that anyone  _really_ judges him, though. Because everyone needs an outlet for the baggage they carry. Whether it be getting disgracefully drunk after an expedition or shamelessly sobbing at burial ceremonies, everyone expresses emotion in their own way. Perhaps Eren just distributes his feelings more evenly, like a constant output of them.

Now, though, Eren Jaeger stands frozen, his usually tanned skin offputtingly pale. His eyes are cloudy, unreadable, and he is the only soldier not strategizing with his squad. Out of the entire group, Armin notices his behavior first, and he doesn’t even need to ask what’s bothering him.

“Don’t worry,” he comforts. “I’m sure they’re all fine. We can’t expect everything to run perfectly smooth all the time, can we?”

Eren has to agree with that, but it doesn’t lessen his anxiety. No, if anything, it increases it. They were supposed to meet up with squad three at the supply building, but it was now almost an hour after their predetermined meeting time and they were nowhere to be found. Squad four, Eren’s group, couldn’t infiltrate the particularly large group of Aberrant’s without their help, so they had no choice but to sit tight and hope they eventually showed up.

It wasn’t the Abberant’s Eren was worried about, though. In fact, 30 minutes into their seemingly endless stretch of waiting, he had completely forgotten why they were even conjoining groups in the first place. His thoughts were on one thing only, and it was pushing him to the brink of an anxiety attack.

“Jean is fine, Eren. I’m sure he is,” Armin sounds far away and Eren almost snaps at him, but he can’t find a voice to do so. Instead he swallows thickly and takes a shaky breath, covering his mouth with a trembling hand to prevent a sob from escaping.

He hasn’t seen Jean since last night before the expedition, and they hadn’t left off on a good note. Trudging back to his cabin after some dumb argument he can’t even remember the topic of, Eren had a pit in his stomach that  _maybe they should resolve this before they both risk their lives tomorrow._ Stubborn as ever and tired enough to be seduced by the thought of sleep, though, he didn’t look back and made it all the way to the sleeping quarters without so much as an apology.

Now he’s drowning in the memory, eating his harsh words and haunted by the effect they had on Jean’s expression. Usually stern and uptight, Eren recalls a sad glint in his eyes, as well as the defeated way his lower jaw slackened, like he had nothing more to say.  

That’s not the lasting image he wanted to have of Jean Kirstein. More importantly, that’s not the lasting image Eren wants Jean Kirstein to have of  _him._ There’s too much left unsaid between them, a constant tension in the air that ghosts over their daily interactions. He’ll be damned if Jean doesn’t know how much he actually cares about him, and Eren would never forgive himself if he doesn’t get the chance to prove it.

His brain goes into overdrive, filled with desires to apologize to Jean, to hold Jean, to  _kiss_  Jean. He scripts out a confession in his mind, the raw fear that he’s lying dead somewhere tearing him apart, making him physically ache to see his face and know he’s okay.

But then Jean is there. He bursts through the door, panting, bloody and bruised. He’s never looked worse, but in that moment, Eren’s never felt better. Relief surges through him and he thanks whatever higher power there is for giving him a second chance. Fear slowly releases its grip on him as he stands to greet them, walking up to Jean with a smirk on his face. He hopes it masks the mental turmoil he’s just been through, and Jean smiles when he sees him.

“Miss me, Jaeger?” He asks, smug as ever despite looking like he’s narrowly escaped death.

Eren thinks about his confession. Thinks about his feelings. He knows can’t put them into words now, and he’s still trembling from fear of what could’ve been. Therefore, confident that he and Jean will live another day and unable to think straight, he puts his arm around his friend’s shoulders and says the first thing that comes to his mind.

“You fucking idiot.”

**Author's Note:**

> i posted this fic to tumblr yesterday and im putting it up here too because, well, why not???? i wrote this after a MAJOR break from writing, so it's a bit rusty. i hope you enjoy it anyways! :)
> 
> tumblr: narutorun


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